Parenting: A Learned Skill

Abstract

Raising a child from infancy to adulthood is a daunting task, a skill parents need to learn. It involves not only promoting the physical development of a child but taking care of a child’s emotional, social and spiritual needs. Parents mostly realize the need for education (taleem) but the all important aspect of training or tarbiah, i.e. inculcating positive behavior in a child. The latter is founded upon religion, family, and cultural values and relationships, which is the prime responsibility of parents or guardians. It involves raising a child in such a manner that he or she can become a good human being in addition to receiving factual education.
We often confuse the two, giving our children ta’leem (education) when they need tarbiyah. Formal Education (Tailem )is teaching our children the basic facts of life in school which often consist of sharpening the simple rote memory, Training (Tarbiyat )is developing the ethics and moral values in children, developing the art of conversation, instructing table manner, teaching prayers, highlighting duties to once neighbors, relatives, etc., most are not taught routinely in school. Building relationships with our children is the most important aspect of child-rearing. It has both emotional, social, and spiritual angles.
In Arabic, the term “al-tarbiyah” encompasses involving and contributing to the physical, psychosocial, and spiritual development of children This involves continuous nurturing of body, mind, and soul. Tarbiyah involves the development of a child’s physical, mental, emotional, and reasoning sense. This requires continuous guidance with love and care until the child is independent to play his/her role in society. This remains the prime responsibility of parents and cannot be outsourced to another adult.
Factors that influence the relationship between parent/guardian and children include community support, cultural influences, parental relationship and temperament, previous experiences, and the educational and intellect of parents.